Den of Thieves

Maggie is a newly single, junk-food-binging shoplifter looking to change her life and her self-hating ways. Paul is her passionately convicted, formerly four-hundred-pound compulsive-overeating sponsor in a twelve-step program for recovering thieves. Maggie’s jealous ex-boyfriend is a charismatic wannabe Puerto Rican small-time thief of uncertain ancestry named Flaco who spins a grammatically challenged but persuasive yarn about seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars in unprotected drug money sitting in a safe in a downtown disco guarded by an easily distracted crackhead. This dubious and ragtag would-be criminal crew is rounded out by Flaco’s new girlfriend, the fabulous Boochie—a malaprop-slinging topless dancer who refuses to let her troubled childhood or her third-grade reading level stand in the way of her inevitable path to fame, fortune and fur. When things don’t quite go according to plan, this bickering quartet of hapless thieves finds themselves at the mercy of Louie “The Little Tuna” Pescatore, a reluctant, donut-ingesting heir to the criminal empire run by his father—”The Big Tuna”—who has left him in charge for the weekend. The penalty for stealing from the Tuna is death—”Ba Da Bing, Ba Da Boom.” But Louie offers them a break: “I need one body and three thumbs, you can choose the who, whys and wherefores among yourselves.” Tied to chairs and able to move only their mouths, they must now fight for their lives by out-arguing each other as to who deserves to live. Verbal gymnastics and the struggle for self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-love produce a high-octane battle for survival that’s not resolved until the last donut falls.